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Figbuck Chronicles...

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#281 ol' 320

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Posted 05 February 2017 - 01:05 PM

Figbuck: how about another Chronicle? I hope you are well.


Play some funky music!

#282 Figbuck


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Posted 24 August 2017 - 07:43 AM

I'm sitting in San Mateo, California. I just drove the Figbuck 620 down from scenic Poortland Orygun. I'm burnt crispy, drinking a Deshutes IPA, and trying to relax. I left with a full tank, drove all night to beat the heatwave. I can almost make it down Interstate Five with two gas stops... Grants Pass and down about Corning. But then I'm empty when I get here.


The first tank I got 21.2 MPG, the next stint was 23.6. The last one down the Sacramento Valley, nice and flat was 24.5. I cruised at about 65 mostly, but sometime faster on smoother pavement.


When you get down to the Bay Area you gotta drive 70 on the freeway our you get your ass run over in the slow lane. Anyway my L16 ran like a champ. It says 261K now. I changed my oil, coolant, bled my disc brakes front and back, bled the clutch. New air and fuel filter. Fuck man, it still winds out and make good power up hills. I tow loads in my utility trailer all the time.


The best thing about driving my truck is listening to music. It is pretty cool that for $99 bucks I got a Sony CD player with a display, so I can listen to 16 Gigs of all my iTunes files. It has a USB port on the faceplate and a mini-thumb drive looks like another black button. Best thing since a new 60amp KA alternator.


So life has been like an emotional roller coaster. I got really sick with black mold again in April '17. It wrote off May and June for me. This same thing got me 11 months before in March 2016. I was just sort of eating, sleeping, gaining weight and strength back. My ass was kicked. At least this time I knew what was happening. It comes on in 20 minutes, Then I was in bed for five days. It was grim.


I rode fast motorcycles and had so many close calls for so long. I never thought that I could die. But this year I was so tired of feeling so bad, that I was thinking... well I might not wake up from one of my naps here. But it would be OK. I was so tired and just couldn't fight anymore.


I don't think of myself as a quitter, but it was like... NEXT. I've never felt this weak and out of shape. It sucks and I'm really trying to take care of myself.


I made it to Canby on Sunday. But couldn't get up enough energy to go out and get in my truck, drive 25 minutes to be there on Saturday. I took an afternoon nap instead.


Cool story Bro! No Pics? Never Happened! But, but the PhotoBucket is FUCKED! Greedy fucks. This shit sucks. I don't know what to tell ya. I got OICS. Can't get them posted up.


The Bay Area has changed and grown so fast it's shocking. The way people drive down here is insane. Close calls are normal. The most insane thing I saw yesterday was a sick looking BMW M Coupe and a Porche going about 100 MPH in the fast lane, passing slower cars on the right. They got hung up traffic with one car in the middle lane and one in the fast lane side by side. A guy on a Kawaskai Hayabusa... shorts and a T-shirt, passed them both at warp speed, splitting the lane between them! He evaporated down the freeway in two seconds. That is normal traffic, until rush hour when everything is stopped in every direction... and motorcycles still split lanes going 60! 


What does it all mean Mr. Natural?

"What ever you do, don't add up what you are spending! :D



#283 Figbuck


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Posted 24 August 2017 - 08:05 AM

It don't mean shit!



I drove by a place today where an event happened I haven't thought about in a long time. I found myself laughing out loud. So this is a loosely a Datsun story...


It was about 1982 and my truck had lumber racks and tool boxes on it. I had just received my California Contractor's License and was doing a tenant improvement job, on a commercial space in a nice shopping district. One Friday after work, I drove to the Bank on the corner and pulled into the lot.


A fine young lady, dressed in beautiful business attire was walking across the street. She stopped and stared at me. Long long brown hair, long legs... and frankly 38DDs. She Jay-walks across the street, walking right up to me sitting the the Datsun. She is laughing... and Holy Shit... it's one or my best friend's sister Raylene... three years younger that us. Good Gracious she is all dressed up and grown up. Yikes Raylene!


Ok, so I had a crush on her when when she was 15, She was a Tom Boy and took me out to ride her horses a bunch, and she was always around us guys, because we were jamming and getting stoned in their garage. Her parents were totally cool. They trusted me. I was on my best behavior too. I didn't want her brother to KILL ME either. I never seriously considered fooling around with her.


A few yeas later, I ran into her after I got out of the Army when she graduated from College. She was staying at her parent's big old house with a stable and pastures. I used to go over and ride with her, hang out with her parent's, have dinner and stuff.


One night she said, let me play the new Robben Ford record for you. Her Dad said, I want to watch TeeVee, can you kids go in your room, then you can play it loud..haha.


Are you shittin' me Dad? Ray grabs my hand and zoom into her bedroom. Way down the end of the hall. She put on the record, turned it up, then pushed me on her bed. The door is still open two inches. I was trying to resist... honest... but she said, they don't come back here. She took our cloths off and...


...later we went in the kitchen and had Ice cream and pie with her Mom and Dad. Fuck man, Mom was MILFY as muther-fucker and she Godamn knew.


Mom had a shit-eating grin on her face! She was in on it. They set me up. Ray set me up!! The Old Man didn't have a clue.


But then, my Dad and her Dad, both died a few weeks apart. It was a rough time and we were just starting to fall for each other. But all kinds of stuff happened and we went different ways. I lived with another lady for five years. She got married to a musician I knew a bit.


So time had passed and here Raylene has recognized my blue Datsun in the bank parking lot. I ask, What are you doing here? She says, I just got divorced from Punk Rock Boy. He is a hopeless junkie now. He hit me once and I bailed out. So fast!


Raylene had a great job, so she just left everything including her car . She rented a really nice apartment two blocks from where I was working. She had been taking a commute train to work all week, and had just walked three blocks from the train station.


I said, Let's go get something to eat, I just got paid, let's go over here to this nice restaurant. She looks at me in dirty work cloths and work boots...."Nah, how about let's get some Chinese Take-Out, a six-pack, and go back to my place."


We go back to her place. The rooms are beautifully furnished. She turns down the lights, flips on music and we crack beers. We drink and eat and catch up. We both have been chewed up and spit out emotionally. We both missed each other, and wished that the circumstances would have worked out earlier, but we were just a little too young.


Raylene and I talked and talked. She told me about about this guy who rode the same train as she did. He kept looking at her, finally getting up enough nerve to talk to her. He was kind of strait and shy. Ray was nice to him. She took a different train and missed him Wednesday. Thursday he sat with her and talked to her the whole time, then got off on her stop. She felt a little weird, but she said... “I have to go shopping”... then ducked into a store.


We said, let's start over. We went into he bedroom. It was a typical girly bedroom, with a big canopy bed, lots of pink, lots of lace, everything smells good. We got naked and took our time... then fell fast asleep.


I'm out cold. In my dream, some guy is yelling waay off in the distance. What the fuck is he saying? Raylene? Some guy is calling Raylene's name? It's so far away. The guy is really stressing out, too.


The voice gets a little louder and more insistent. RAYLENE! Raylene! Please, I just want to talk to you! Please talk to me.


Wait a minute here. Where am I? Who the fuck is yelling this shit? The voice is louder and wakes me up. The bedroom window is open and there is a guy in the parking lot below yelling... Ray, can I just talk to you for a minute. Raylene is still out asleep, so I slip out of off the bed and look out the window. There is some guy standing in the bed of the Datsun holding in to my lumber racks. Oh, man... What is going on here?


I get back in bed and cuddle up to Ray's warm soft body. One of the neighbor's opens a window and yells.. Shut the fuck up or I'm gonna call the cops. This kinda wakes her up, and she starts kissing me. I ask her if she heard the yelling. She didn't. I have this thought that maybe it was Ray's Ex, Punk Rock Junkie Boy. Did he find out where she lived ...and I don't know, I'm tripping.


Ray climbs on top of me. We were really getting each other figured out. I will leave it to your imagination. Just as we were about to melt into extacy ... that voice again. Next I hear the sound of a sliding window in the front of the apartment... then a bump, bump, boom. Somebody is walking heavily down the hall and calling... Raylene, Raylene are you in here? Please don't freak out, I just want to talk to you... I need to talk to you!


My dick shrank so fast! I go, Ray who the fuck is that! Is it Punk Boy? I'm naked fucking this totally sexy hot woman! Then her deranged ex-husband, who is a junkie and asshole, is going to find us then empty a ciip in our asses!


I go Ray, somebody is in the house! She hears the voice and says, “It's the guy from the train!” He must have followed me the other day! She leaps off the bed her big titties flapping!  Just as the guy opens the door to the bedroom, Raylene catches the guy with a right hook and decks him. The guy shrinks back and starts crawling back down the hall. She goes off on him. What the fuck are you thinking, you lame pathetic little creep!!!


She is stomping his head with the heal of her foot... naked as shit. I get right up after her. As he gets up, I go to grab him, but he dives out the open sliding window. He got hung up on the curtain and falls onto the porch outside...


Just then two cops walk up with guns drawn after the neighbor called them. Raylene opens the front door and says, “Bust this creep right now!! He has been stalking me, and just in came through the kitchen window, down the hall, into my bedroom! I have a pillow over my dick ...but Ray is standing there in all her glory. Jesus, she had nice nipples and big areola. The cops tried to be casual. They must tell that story for ever.


The guy was still sobbing Raylene, Raylene, I just want to talk. The cops heard this shit, gave her a business card, said call tomorrow and file a report. They closed the door, cuffed the guy and read him his rights. He was crying, Raylene, Raylene … all the way in to the squad car.


You know how this ends. Ray dragged me back into her room...

"What ever you do, don't add up what you are spending! :D



#284 hang_510


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Posted 24 August 2017 - 09:49 PM

Friends sisters...

"I can spend time working on the Dattos, or wasting money at the strip club. You make the call." :D

I'll put on chain mail and a dirt bike tire jock strap and drive it!!!!!

#285 mklotz70



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Posted 25 August 2017 - 12:36 AM

Seriously.......pics or it didn't happen!! lol

Don't have to be too bright to be me!! :D
Sadly, I prove this nearly everyday!!! :(

#286 Figbuck


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Posted 04 September 2017 - 05:30 PM



On the Oregon Coast. Epic day of listening to music and watching the scenery go by. Nearly 1500 mile trip from Portland to San Francisco on Interstate 5, then back North via Highway 101, through the Redwoods. Then up the Orygun Coast.  


36657064536_e61c8900f7_z.jpgDSCN0636 by Clary Philipp, on Flickr33 by Clary Philipp, on Flickr


...The Old Figbuck 620 was running great... until a few minutes after I took this sunset shot... the Alternator light started flickering just as I rolled into Port Orford. I shut the headlights off, and thought it was either a loose wire/ground, or the Diode was failing. I pulled over into a bar parking lot with a big light pole, so I could see. 


Put a Volt meter on it and it was toast. A couple of locals stumble out of the bar with drinks in hand. One old guy yells, "Loook it's a Fuckin' Datsun!! When was the last time you saw one of these? What's wrong with it Man??"


The Idiot light came on. I'm and idiot... or the alternator is smoked.


In a minute, the whole bar is emptied out watching me fuck with stuff. One guy says, that little sucker is so clean, how could anything be wrong with it. These guys know engines. Dood, it's the fuckin' Battery!!


Nah, brand new Interstate, look it lights the head lamps and fires the starter.


Uh, Oh yeah, Your alternator is fucked. Prolly just a diode. Usta be able to 'git them for Four Bucks, pull the plastic cover off the back and change 'em out. 


The next drunk argues, "Ah, then the bearings go out ten thousand miles later. You wished you woulda had a couple bucks to change it with a new one so you ain't crawlin' in the dirt some night when it finally dies!


Sheeit! You guys are killin' me here...


I don't know... after driving it for 44 years, I thought I fixed everything! Everybody is blown away that it's a one owner truck. Within ten minutes kids on bikes, every street person and drunk in town was standing in a circle around the light pole watching me. The only entertainment around. They told me the only place was Auto Kare just up the street, and they were expensive as hell!!! A total rip off. Yep, that is what they all said. Or there is a junk yard in Bandon. But Florence is closer and has a Napa store.


How can all you guys be drinking out here in the open? Oh, we are on private property! Can I park here over tonight? Sure park in back where it's quiet off the road. 





35868092784_8037f80f27_z.jpgDSCN0641 by Clary Philipp, on Flickr


They didn't have a KA 60 amp common to the 80's 720, but they had one for me first thing the next day delivered from Vancouver Washington. The two parts guys and lady who helped me were fantastic. They were like comic book characters! I'm going to send them posts cards! $112 with a core return. 


What a hustle, what a burn job, what a rip off!!! $112 to get me out of Port Orford? Priceless!


The parts girl timed me... 22 minutes to get it out.


36657064686_ab3b958592_z.jpgDSCN0642 by Clary Philipp, on Flickr


On the Road Again... off to see the Eclipse.

"What ever you do, don't add up what you are spending! :D